Talk:Cannonball/@comment-2227733-20130805190905
Okay, this is something I've been meaning to get off my chest now for a while. It's very hard for me to talk about this and I'm probably going to start crying as I write this. This is a big, long rant as to why I'm so defensive whenever it comes to Riley. I cried so much because of what happened to Riley in the show. I was in Florida whenever the writers had him break up with Zane. That's the point that I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I had a lost a part of myself. I felt like someone had murdered him. I cried for hours because of what happened, thank God my mom, sister, and my friend were there with me. I couldn't even sleep alone that night, and whenever I laid down to go to sleep, I literally felt like he was laying there with me, and that wasn't the only time it happened. Even though I was at the beach, my vacation was pretty much ruined and even whenever I stopped thinking about it, I was never really able to enioy myself. It wasn't until a met someone who helped me with it that I finally started to feel better. Now whenever I think about what happened, my mind doesn't think "oh he left the show"; no the immediate thought that comes up is "he died". I still get really mad thinking about it, but I mostly got good at putting it out of my mind. But I still haven't gotten used to it. A few weeks ago I was going to spork a bad fanfiction with him in it, but I couldn't get halfway through it because I couldn't handle it. Later that night, because of that and losing touch with one of my best friends, I cried for the first time in about a year. Even now, whenever I look at pictures of him, all these unwelcome emotions just start swirling around inside of me, and not the anger and spitefulness I've grown accustomed to either. That's why it's been so hard for me to write lately, because I first started writing to a romance about him. Now, it feels like I've lost a part of myself, and as much as I try to keep it alive, it's not working. My own story used to make me so happy I could sing, but now it just makes me sad and want to do something else. Now whenever I'm working on another story with romance in it, I have a hard time properly writing it because I can't get him out of my head. I was happy again whenever I fell in love, but then like a year ago the guy I fell in love with broke up with me, and ever since then, I've never really been happy. There's really only been three times in my entire life I can think of whenever I was really and truly happy. The first was after I graduated high school, and was just starting college and when I started writing my first story, which was the same time that I discovered Riley. Then near the end of 2009 everything went down the toilet whenever Beat It came out and whenever what would later lead to my PTSD happened. Whenever I finally got away from the monster that finally pushed me over into full blown PTSD, in late 2010/early 2011 was amazing because I finally no longer had him in my life, but then Idk why it didn't last, but I know this show and this very wiki was a pretty big reason why. Then, like I said before, I was happy again whenever I met my ex and we started dating. Those are the only three times in my life I've ever truly been happy.